How to Know If He’s Not the One for You

Losing yourself rarely happens all at once; it seeps in through the little things.

Your body will always tell you the truth before your mind does.

Most people don’t realize this until they’re looking back—when the reflection version of life finally makes sense. Suddenly, all the signs that once felt blurry come into focus. Maybe your friends said something once or twice, and your family stayed polite just to keep the peace—but they knew. They knew, and you didn’t.

Embarrassing, right?

Or maybe deep down, you did know. You just didn’t want to face the truth—that the man you’ve spent hours obsessing over, the one you swore you’d build a life with, might not actually be the one for you.

I spent the last two hours rewatching Sex and the City, where we first meet Mr. Big. He’s charming, mysterious, and—at first—barely in the show. You’d never guess how much of an impact he’d end up having on Carrie’s life. That’s the thing about people: we have no idea, when they first walk into our world, whether they’ll be a chapter or the entire story. Unfortunately, some are meant to stay forever, while others are meant to teach us something.

Now, let’s go back to how your body knows before your mind does.

I’ve heard stories from girlfriends who would break out in rashes, feel constantly anxious, or even get sick throughout their relationships—only to realize after breaking up that it wasn’t random. Their bodies were trying to communicate what their minds refused to see.

I don’t think their boyfriends were sitting around plotting ways to make them sick. But energy is real. People carry certain energies that can affect not only your mood, but your physical state.

I’ve felt this myself. I’ve reconnected with old friends and instantly felt a wave of tension wash over me. I’ve seen old lovers and broken out the next day after years of clear skin. Your body keeps the score—sometimes long before your heart catches up.

Let’s get real for a second.

I once spent months talking to a guy. I did everything—blew off my friends, cooked for him constantly, and poured so much of my energy into making him feel special that I convinced myself he was special. I told myself I didn’t post him because I didn’t want to attract the evil eye—but really, I was keeping one foot out the door. My body already knew. It wasn’t that I loved him any less—it was that something deep inside me couldn’t settle.

I once read a quote that said, “If the person you love is a reflection of you, would you be happy with your own reflection?”

That line haunted me.

Because I thought he was an amazing person. But when I looked at him as a reflection of me, something felt off. I couldn’t explain it, but I knew. I loved him, yet it didn’t make sense. My body felt it long before my mind was willing to accept it.

We went out one night—nothing special, just another evening like the rest. After months of a situationship, it felt like we were naturally moving toward being “official.” When he asked me to be his girlfriend, my chest tightened. I smiled, took a breath, and said yes.

But why did it take me that extra breath?

Why did I need that second of hesitation to convince myself to say the words?

Sometimes we say yes because it feels like the next logical step, not because our bodies feel safe or aligned. But love isn’t supposed to happen by default.

What I’ve Learned:

The body never lies.

When you feel anxious around him but calm when he leaves—that’s not love, that’s tension.
When you’re checking your phone waiting for him to text, and the silence feels like punishment—that’s not chemistry, that’s insecurity.
When your stomach drops after a comment that “wasn’t that serious,” that’s your intuition whispering, please listen.

I used to think love meant holding on. Now I know love sometimes means listening to the quiet parts of yourself that beg you to let go.

Your body knows when something is off—it tenses, it hesitates, it gets sick, it shakes. Don’t dismiss that as nerves or “overthinking.” That’s your truth trying to speak before your heart breaks.

If you take anything from this, let it be this:
You don’t have to wait until you’re in the reflection stage of your life to see clearly.
You can choose to listen now.

With Love,

Alyson